mad hatter’s tea party

Man, today I kinda hurt after doing trapeze. After my declarations that this would be light relief after what I usually do on Wednesdays, too. Heh.

Also, today is Hellday, and I will not get anything done on a Thursday morning ever again now that we are ‘just round the corner from the clinic’. Because people can now phone us when they want something, you see, and we can ‘pop round’ with whatever it is!

Yeah. In real terms, that means someone phones for a Thing, so you have to charge off down the corridor, not forgetting the big bunch of keys and the locking of the door, halt for firedoors, charge down the corridor again, halt to press button to get let into main area, charge down- oh, whoa, no, slow patient, slow patient, try to get round slow patient, get caught behind slow patient at fire door, get caught in gaggle of slow patients at next fire door, right, jink past slow patient, charge – no don’t charge round this corner, you’ll knock down the queue of slow patients like skittles… and join queue to use only working printer so you can print off thing to hand to clinic desk. The printer eyes you with dislike and pretends your access code is faulty.

Clinic team then ask for Another thing that they forgot to mention when they asked for the first one.

As the piece de resistance, when you return to your desk, there will be an angry phonecall from someone else, probably someone where you just came from, asking where the hell you’ve been ‘all morning’.

I had several of these today – the angrily-bewildered are back in force, and not taking no for an answer, by god! Or anything else for an answer, for that matter.

Today was even more interesting because we had three separate crises – not counting the news that the ceiling’s come down in theatre – including my Colleague I Suspect Is Up To Something taking a message for me from the cancer hospital across town, as a result of which I spent an hour trying to call them back and getting the engaged tone, while the woman in question sat patiently by her non-ringing phone. Turns out, the phone system is affected, I will say this only once, by the weather. Yes, the whole of Ayrshire is a pond, the tube is apparently off (the radio isn’t affected by the weather) and our phones are acting up.

Or so said the woman at the cancer hospital. She also said, Our door-handles keep coming off, it’s a terrifying thought being trapped in here over the weekend when you’re on your way to a hard-earned pint.

Mine has come off in three people’s hands already and I’ve been here a week, I said, and was declared the winner.

When I went through to clinic for about the fourth time to try and find something in the carnage, the nurses made Chat with me about the carnage. Awww, I feel closer to the rest of the team already, and I’ve only been in this job two years. I now know some faces, for instance. Names will almost certainly follow at some point! They said, Dr Anonymous is in a bad mood, usually we just fill him with coffee and wheel him into his clinic and keep throwing in more coffee occasionally, but today we were unable to.

I sympathise! I said. I also wish I was important enough that people fed me coffee!

They all dropped what they were holding, with much drama and hyperbole, and made me a coffee. Awwww!

Later, my colleagues bought me a coffee when we met the Wee Lady With The Big Trolley. Awwww!

Yeah, so it’s all going horribly pear-shaped, but I’m sorta having a really good time regardless. It’s amazing the small things that make a difference!

For instance, I spent half the afternoon trying to find a very urgent casenote I had promised to take to another clinic for a tightly-scheduled second appointment. It was nowhere to be found. All the nurses pitched in to help look (awww). Eventually, it turns out someone had whisked it away thirty seconds before I showed up for it.

Communication, it’s marvellous. I returned to my desk, dispirited, to find an angry phonecall from the boss asking ‘where the hell I’d been all afternoon’. And another from a different boss, asking why I hadn’t returned the call that someone had taken yesterday but nobody had told me about. Le SIGH.

Today I also discovered my Colleague I Suspect Is Up To Something has been in this building a month and has no idea how to transfer a call. (Hint: there is a button on the phone marked ‘TRANSF CALL’.)

Right. I am SO going home on time tonight!

And so I had a nice, chilled out evening, dogging fightclub and making the excuse that next week my attendance will be Perfect, so it will all be alright. I say this every week, and every week it becomes more likely that I will never be fit and I will never find a trapeze partner. Because I don’t just mean, ‘someone I partner on the trapeze and have to depend on not to drop me on my head and thus develop a horrendous crush on and eventually embarrass myself’. Hee.

Tomorrow: cleaning up the detritus from today’s fiasco. The weekend beckons, it is a long weekend, I am in the flat on my own, I have plans for the raspberries involving a demijohn.

Life is pretty damn good.



About beshemoth

Mainly making art, making wine, writing and gardening. Having a life only as the above allows.
This entry was posted in all the small things, please don't fire me. Bookmark the permalink.

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