the cheesecake diet

Yup, the start of the week started with me waking up to find my fever is definitely gone; we are now entering the post-viral stage! Woo! My neck feels like I could join in the frog chorus, but the rest of me feels like a wrung-out dishcloth. I deduce I will soon be well, hurrah. Touchwood. I am going to Germany next week, excitement, drama!

The start of the week also started with the new diet. This shall be called the Cheesecake Diet, and hopefully it will add sufficient calories for the purposes of Staying Alive, without overshooting and ending up like the Michellin Woman. It will start by eating that cheesecake, hurrah! God, was anyone ever in this boat?

Well, Rice Krispies says Weetabix is in the same boat, only it’s an even bigger boat, cos he’s been cycling thirty miles a day for nurse placement. Tiramisu is the answer, apparently; cheesecake is too stodgy. I do hope LIDL do several million for a fiver, because I am now in the odd position of having to gain more calories on a very tight budget. Ha, I say ‘odd’, I’m sure there are millions of people in this boat. And they don’t have LIDL. It’s just a bit odd for the western world. Honest.

Oh look, if I was trying to lose weight, (which activity appears to be mandatory for females, according to some sort of social contract I don’t remember signing), then I could be buying my own bodyweight in LIDL veg and converting it into homemade curries and saving a fortune and looking amazingly together, not to mention like a proley version of Delia. Hurrah! But no – I’m doing all that, and I actually have to stop doing it and spend more money on… cakes. Preferably, deep-fried, I suppose. AUGH.

(What the hell did Shaolin monks live off? I must look that up.)

The week also started with shelves being put up in my office, hurrah, now there is dirt everywhere and no sign of the wee cleaner who apparently comes in once a week for several weeks now. So I got the cleaning equipment out. In fact, the shelves did for most of the day; apart from having to move all the office furniture out of the way, answering the phone was a useless activity, audio-typing likewise, and I eventually was evicted from my desk. I passed the time as best I could, eying up the man’s drill. Cordless, 18v, he says it’s cracking. Ooh, I need a drill, for only the drill bits belong to me (note to self: they do NOT leave when my flatmate does!) A cordless would be perfect for, say, raised beds and putting guttering on the shed.

Hundred and twenty quid minimum. Arse.

In an attempt to do something productive today, I had brought in the cherry muffins for the man from records who gave me the cherries to put in em. Despite a heads-up, he did not fecking appear. Hello, these buggers don’t stay fresh forever!

No fighting for me tonight – I managed a nine-hour shift and the walk home – which was very pleasant, the grey skies have gone away and there is sunshine and crisp golden leaves everywhere. Sardine and salsa and aubergine and pumpkin curry tacos, hurrah, because I can.

And bed at half seven, because I simply can’t any more.

Thank god for sleep, it is cheap and doesn’t consume many calories!

 

Yup, the start of the week started with me waking up to find my fever is definitely gone; we are now entering the post-viral stage! Woo! My neck feels like I could join in the frog chorus, but the rest of me feels like a wrung-out dishcloth. I deduce I will soon be well, hurrah. Touchwood. I am going to Germany next week, excitement, drama!

The start of the week also started with the new diet. This shall be called the Cheesecake Diet, and hopefully it will add sufficient calories for the purposes of Staying Alive, without overshooting and ending up like the Michellin Woman. It will start by eating that cheesecake, hurrah! God, was anyone ever in this boat?

Well, Rice Krispies says Weetabix is in the same boat, only it’s an even bigger boat, cos he’s been cycling thirty miles a day for nurse placement. Tiramisu is the answer, apparently; cheesecake is too stodgy. I do hope LIDL do several million for a fiver, because I am now in the odd position of having to gain more calories on a very tight budget. Ha, I say ‘odd’, I’m sure there are millions of people in this boat. And they don’t have LIDL. It’s just a bit odd for the western world. Honest.

Oh look, if I was trying to lose weight, (which activity appears to be mandatory for females, according to some sort of social contract I don’t remember signing), then I could be buying my own bodyweight in LIDL veg and converting it into homemade curries and saving a fortune and looking amazingly together, not to mention like a proley version of Delia. Hurrah! But no – I’m doing all that, and I actually have to stop doing it and spend more money on… cakes. Preferably, deep-fried, I suppose. AUGH.

(What the hell did Shaolin monks live off? I must look that up.)

The week also started with shelves being put up in my office, hurrah, now there is dirt everywhere and no sign of the wee cleaner who apparently comes in once a week for several weeks now. So I got the cleaning equipment out. In fact, the shelves did for most of the day; apart from having to move all the office furniture out of the way, answering the phone was a useless activity, audio-typing likewise, and I eventually was evicted from my desk. I passed the time as best I could, eying up the man’s drill. Cordless, 18v, he says it’s cracking. Ooh, I need a drill, for only the drill bits belong to me (note to self: they do NOT leave when my flatmate does!) A cordless would be perfect for, say, raised beds and putting guttering on the shed.

Hundred and twenty quid minimum. Arse.

In an attempt to do something productive today, I had brought in the cherry muffins for the man from records who gave me the cherries to put in em. Despite a heads-up, he did not fecking appear. Hello, these buggers don’t stay fresh forever!

No fighting for me tonight – I managed a nine-hour shift and the walk home – which was very pleasant, the grey skies have gone away and there is sunshine and crisp golden leaves everywhere. Sardine and salsa and aubergine and pumpkin curry tacos, hurrah, because I can.

And bed at half seven, because I simply can’t any more.

Thank god for sleep, it is cheap and doesn’t consume many calories!

Advertisements

About beshemoth

Mainly making art, making wine, writing and gardening. Having a life only as the above allows.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s