Ah, Tuesday, day of Stupid Questions, where Monday’s personal failures are consolidated by the Public remembering it didn’t get round to calling about the results yesterday, results that I am not allowed to give out over the phone, and doing so all damn day today. Also, the day traditionally dedicated to the gods of war. Possibly because everyone just survived a Monday and is feeling pretty damn angry about it.
And were we ever, today! My entire team was angry! Especially me, because I was also itchy all over for some unfathomable reason; or possibly, because I scratched an itch on my foot while asking for the blessing of the gods of war in the shower this morning and it riled them up. Oops.
Or possibly, because while I was playing gofer to my Cellmate’s consultant on his once-weekly twenty-minute visit, my Colleague I Suspect Is Up To Something barged in on her morning pillaging trip, discovered (my) kettle was empty, waved it in my face, and when I suggested that perhaps the water bottle was about somewhere but right now I had an armful of files being passed to me, muttered, Oh I suppose I’ll have to fill it myself then, and flounced out. Oh, you did not.
This was as nothing to what happened an hour later when my Colleague of Cakes, who has been hunting high and low for her weekly workload since Friday, discovered it has been filling half the floor-space in my Colleague I Suspect Is Up To Something’s office all this time. There were Words. There were, allegedly, sniffles. And I thank every god that the one on the recieving end of the berating did not come through to me looking for sympathy, because there would have been even more Words.
You know, until April, this used to be a close-knit team; now, it’s a mere showdown away from a full-scale Battle Royale. And there are only five of us.
Quick, it is time to dredge up some lofty and noble thoughts from somewhere, before I get bogged down in the pettiness and develop boils or a hunchback or something. Um. Let’s see. Musings on the nature of virtue, here we go! In five minutes or less, because sitting about on one’s arse, musing about things when there is work to be done is not a virtue in any belief system I’m aware of.
A Moron Muses on the Nature of Virtue:
‘Virtue’ pretty much means, ‘anything that gets you brownie points in your chosen belief system’, right? See under, fidelity, turning the other cheek, rescuing kittens from trees, paying in cash and so forth. Although under certain circumstances, a virtue can be a vice, and vice versa (hee); see under, ‘thou shalt not kill’, and, ‘but the only way to stop the villainous cur throwing that damsel in the volcano is to push him in first!’ Ah, there’s never a handy Gollum around to fall in all by himself when you need one. Virtue can change with circumstance, but should it change depending on the identity of the person practising it?
Alas, no. I can’t be all, ‘That person volunteering at the orphanage is not doing something virtuous (because I hate them and that would mean that in order to maintain my fondly-imagined moral highground over them, I would have to go forth and do something equally selfless myself)’. Also, hurrah, no, because that means that anyone who is all, ‘It is virtuous to go round being all muscles and self-reliance and problem-solving skills* – unless you do it, cos you’re a chick’, is also totally wrong.
*(Like, you know, eventually I’m gonna be all that. Or collect my pension, one of the two).
Therefore, I conclude that logically, it cannot be a vice to be gay, because if it is a virtue to find women attractive (as I hear all over certain parts of the internet) then it is right to do so no matter who is doing it; and if it is wrong for a man to find other men attractive, then it would also be wrong for me to find men attractive. (I hear, in rather heavily-overlapping parts of the internet, that to Not do so would make me a frigid ball-busting harpy, or variations thereon, so, er, QED. Mind you, it occurs to me that these same parts of the internet seem to find it mandatory that I do so while looking like a music-video chick, so I am pleased to say that I do. Straight outta Aphex Twin’s Windowlicker.)
And that’s enough for A Moron Muses. Now that I am calmer, time for maths!