Being Awesome! (if you don’t count the ‘being mental’ parts)

Ah, back to work! And my, the weather is dreach! Mist, drizzle, utter sodding darkness – just a sec, we’re a week past the solstice and I swear, it is pitch black in the mornings now and it wasn’t then! I know, I know, for a wee while after the days start lengthening, the sunrise time actually gets later, for reasons that were fully explained to me at the time (cough) but still. One would expect to at least see some sort of glimmer on the eastern horizon, surely? Apparently not. And the streets are deserted. I was starting to worry that, while checking the alarms were set, I had somehow put the time forward three hours or something.

Still, the ice vanished while I was holed up in darkest Ayrshire, so I can have bare hands out without fear of frostbite (which was something of a fear even in gloves). And it was very nice indeed to finally be able to walk with a normal step, rather than a chain-gang-hobbled one for fear of falling down. After a month of that, followed by four days of, er, sitting on my lily-white arse, my leg muscles are seriously borked and in dire need of stretching. So I strode along merrily, right up to the hospital door, where I nearly went right over because for some reason, ice has actually appeared here. Go figure.

Now, can I be bothered getting back into the routine? No? Well I bloody well have to – I have today to get a week’s work done, and after that, there is a rather large and growing list of My Things Wot Need Done that I have been letting languish for over a week, what with Christmas getting in the way of everything as usual. Stupid Christmas. Stupid port and fairylights and cheeseboard and The Hogfather and… ah, it was great. But I have been slacking off!

But today, I was Epic! Possibly because I’ve been subsisting off only one coffee a day for the long weekend, and am now back to full rations. I got all the prep done for Dr Anonymous’s clinic tomorrow, I got some additional stuff done, I got all the stuff for my Cellmate done right before her consultant came in to look at it. I cleared my desk! Woo! Yes, alright, I invest far too heavily in this job. Someone give me a better one so I can over-commit to it with less embarrassment, please. Like, ‘Head of Apocalpyse Planning for the UN’, I reckon I’d be really good at that, honest. I over-prepare for everything. C’mon, who owns three crossbows?

(And remember kids, I may sound like a lunatic, but if I had a net worth only one hundred times what it is now, I would be merely Eccentric. Hell, ten times that, and I could probably wander round in tweeds and braids with a shotgun under my arm, shouting, Now look heeyah! and everyone would think that was absolutely normal. For my income bracket.)

So it was probably a Good Thing that I even had time to go for a Proper Coffee with my Colleague of Skull Scarves – well and why not, we’re the only two on the team in today (we do not count my Colleague of Empty Kettles as part of the team, you see. Well, she doesn’t herself, having come through and declared herself Part Of Eyes to my Cellmate a couple of weeks ago. I wonder if Eyes know that? Word has it, she has done not a stick to help their typing pool out since she arrived.) Maybe I could make a New Year’s resolution to take Breaks at work! Ha. Hahaha. Okay, maybe I could make one to go help Eyes with their typing pool. As long as they are sworn to secrecy under pain of death about it.

Oh yes, internet. Oops.

Well, and thank god for it, because when I got home, I have managed to sort out my Crimbo money already. By which I mean, blown it; the fridge was empty, and the bank account was too. My wee bro was right, I did get the cantilevered chin-up bar for half price, hurrah, so I got a selection of second-hand survivalist Tomes off Amazon and everything. (There’s something inherently funny about the notion of second-hand survivalist tomes; or at least, to me.) Which puts me back to square one where the cash is concerned, and I still need to restock the freezer and seed-buying season is coming up, and I have to pay my annual allotment fees. Sixteen whole quid, it’s daylight robbery. Not.

Tonight, I did the Sums on Energy Equations and they more or less went right (i.e. I managed to go back over them and change the km’s to m’s where appropriate – dammit, this is not rocket science, this is like, primary school maths or something. If you don’t count the pis, as it were, but I has fancy scientific calculator now, with a ‘pi’ button and everything to do that for me. And tonight, I finally discovered how to make it translate sodding 1500/7 etc into proper numbers. Go me!)

I have also caught up with the correspondence, if you don’t count the thank you letters; I have carefully put aside the Allotment Bumf for dealing with and now can’t find it; and I have opened the gifts from my colleagues. Awww! I have pretty secateurs to replace the rusty ones, and an Interview-friendly handbag and scented candles and my own bodyweight in chocolates, to go with the own-bodyweight in chocolates I bought for emergencies. Come the Apocalypse, I can gorge myself to death.

And that was quite enough for one day. I’ve been hard at it from six this morning to half nine tonight, and if I could only make this pattern continue right through to, ooh, 2013, I would be quite satisfied. Alas, I know that after a day of being Awesome, I usually spend the next day being crap.

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About beshemoth

Mainly making art, making wine, writing and gardening. Having a life only as the above allows.
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