Woo, last day of 2010! It has not started well. Dear god, I have about twelve kilos to carry four miles today. Being the sort of idiot who fondly imagines they’re bad-ass (or at least, wishes they had some plausible excuse for doing so), this is not so much of a problem. At least, not one I will admit to. It’s the sodding train, mobbed as it will no doubt be with drunken arseholes, that I’m dreading. Christ, I’m not a great one for partying even with people who are interesting and/or known to me these days – the Public in close proximity is something I could do without. Mainly because, if I do not score a seat, every bastard out there will consider me to be in their way. On purpose.
But this is not getting the monster pile of clinic dictation done. My, Dr Anonymous is fairly on fire these days, this thing fills an entire shopping trolley by itself!
Still, I am not in such a Hogmanay-y mood, and that will never do, so let us pause over lunch* to reflect on the past and look forward to the future.
*(Because lunch was not brought, due to bags being already crammed full.)
Things Heroically Achieved in 2010 (in roughly chronological order)
- I got an allotment! (technically this happened during the point below, but hey)
- I got my first belt in a martial art! I’m still not sure exactly which one, but hey, I never thought this day would come!
- I discovered that you can mostly get about on foot, thus saving a fortune on bus passes. If not on shoe-leather.
- My First Ever Visit To the USA! (or indeed, anywhere west of the Atlantic Ocean)
- My first ever harvest. And then several more, in fact! I have a freezer still full of produce, and a bunch of batch cooking made from it too. Hurrah!
- The making of an entire alcove of shelves for the wine to live on, using nothing but bits of wood, hand-tools and someone else’s electric drill. And some panic and a tape-measure.
- I made, like, fifty whole quid from Art this year. (Thank you, the several people who promised me dinero for my efforts and then vanished from the face of the earth. You are not even the first, so buttons to you all. A more sincere thank you to Sarsparilla, who Actually Coughed Up. It’s rarer than you think, and thus needs appreciating.)
- I developed a six-pack stomach, something I have not had since I was sixteen. (It looked Horrible then too, but so what, nobody wants to look at me naked anyway, so I get to be quite proud of it.)
- I visited Arran for the very first time, and it was jolly good. Not quite the US of A(!) but still.
- Stupid Pilgrimage all the way to Stuttgart at vast expense to hear Morten Harket sing (and it was worth it)
- Hearing Morten Harket sing at substantially less expense in Glasgow, three weeks later
- I was taught to knit, and made a draught excluder. Eventually.
- The making of my first ever wine, from fruit wot I grew and everything!! eleventy
- The writing of an entire novel! (a crap one, but it still counts)
- A last-minute trip to London for Slaves Reunited. I am single-handedly destroying the world.
- Finally, the engineering course was started! (which, having waited two years, certainly feels like an achievement, although arguably, Finishing things is usually what counts)
Dear god, that’s all? It felt like a really busy year!
And now, Resolutions for 2011
- Stop Being Overdrawn, You Bloody Moron
- And you still have several hundred pounds to scrabble together for this course
- Which you should finish by Christmas (hahaha)
- Write to that kid you’re sponsoring in Peru more frequently
- This year, the Allittlement will be a thing of beauty, rather than a thing of straggly weeds! With Effort! (and, touchwood, manure)
- Sand down, stain and re-caulk all the windows at the front of the flat before they fall off
- Get a new flatmate, who doesn’t hate your guts. Use the income to fund trapeze lessons.
- Get incredibly buff (and somehow good) at fightclub
- Getting up earlier and working out in the mornings would totally help with this too
- In fact, be incredibly disciplined and work like a dog at everything, every single minute of the day. You will become lean and develop that thousand-yard-stare that will make people avoid you in the street, bwahahaha.
- Do something that scares you. Go out and punt that crappy novel (aka the Zombie Chronicles of Nonsense) to publishers. Learn to endure their sneers and catcalls. Christ, you got all that all through school, (along with everyone else in the whole world who ever attended school) – it’ll make you feel young again!
- And some more sustained effort at Art wouldn’t hurt; though Christ knows I’d have to be not so much disciplined as the sodding Terminator to cram this in too.
- Become Sane
Man, most of that doesn’t actually sound like much fun, does it? Well, ‘fun’ in the sense of ‘disciplined, staunch fun’, which, er, yeah. But you gotta do what you gotta do. Ideally, however, my resolutions list would look like:
- Hold wildly successful Art exhibition, use profits to tour Iceland
- Flog novel, quit job and use profits to buy twee cottage on Arran.
- Ruin neighbourhood by survivalist-ising cottage
- Sword-making classes in Wales!
- Blacksmithing classes in Yorkshire!
- Become Awesome at Everything
- Acquire hot trapeze partner through Awesomeness (must have own transport)
- Tour America on motorbikes with hot trapeze partner, shouting Victory at Sea! a lot.
- Somehow not get killed during this
- Build fusion reactor in shed behind cottage
I suppose it still could, but I’d just be kidding myself even more badly than with the actual list. Oh well. I have the first ever Disaster Squad mission to look forward to, and that is a fun resolution (well, one I will enjoy if we have carried it out successfully). First, however, I have to fight the hordes to get there…
And since I currently lack the technological fixes to say this to anyone, any other way: Happy Hogmanay and all the very best for 2011!