Today was the like the eye of the storm, or like a fever has broken. At last, that incessant pressure in my skull that’s been bugging me since Monday has gone! Although, saying that, I think I had stopped even noticing it, but now it’s gone and there’s… silence. Yay! And indeed, get a grip, woman, your back’s hardly against the wall, how come you seem to fall apart at the slightest wee thing these days?
So I had a rather chilled-out day at work, for the first time in what feels like eternity. Ha, I cannot believe this year is only a fortnight old – skinny-dipping in the North Sea with Rice Krispies feels like it happened circa 2008.
And I had leisure to apologise to my Cellmate for having been in such a frantic panic all week. She said not to worry, it was very entertaining. So even in a frenzy, I still aimed for humour; that’s nice. And so it begins, no doubt – my Cellmate’s respect for me will slowly erode in the face of my clowning in the face of adversity, and then she will start to despise me and things will degenerate, just like with my most recent flatmate. Although probably more quickly, since we have to spend even more time in each other’s pockets. I can’t wait. I suppose I can at least monitor the trend carefully. Have it happen enough and I might be able to identify pinch-points at which I can turn things round! Hahaha.
At least, and for a wonder, the phone did not ring. Much. Though the interruptions continued nearly unabated! My Colleague of Empty Kettles came through for a big long rant about Dr Hurricane again, for instance. Because Dr Hurricane has brought in more chocolates for the admin team – ones she paid for, this time – and so my Colleague of Empty Kettles is still ragingly angry at the… insult? God, I don’t understand any more. She got a box to herself, Dr Hurricane gave the rest of us a box between each pair; but my Colleague of Empty Kettles still seems to be under the impression some sort of unforgiveable Slight has been made against her.
Of course, my Colleague of Empty Kettles does not know how mightily my other colleagues are being smote with Actual Problems, and yet keeping their chins up and being cheery (and I ain’t telling her cos they’d kill me for it and rightly so), but it is uncomfortable seeing the one person with no sodding beef whatsoever having a double helping thereof. (And therein lies a lesson for muggins here too, methinks. Are we bitching here about small and unimportant events? We are? Hypocri-what? Never heard of it!)
Look, I finally said to my Colleague of Empty Kettles, Dr Anonymous got me nothing, okay, not even a card, so me and you got the same; share of chocs from Dr Hurricane [her consultant], bottle of fizz from Dr Pleasant [mine]. In fact, you’re slightly ahead, if it makes you feel any better. (And I ain’t bitching about it, I didn’t add. Because I have a DeWalt so nyaaaaaaah).
Oh, she said, changing tack to how much consultants get paid and here they are being cheap (at which point I suddenly remembered I had not given the bin-men a tip, oh crivens, can I get no schadenfreude in at all without my consicence speaking up?) and they get to do private work on the side and look what they get for it and –
-And here I am, being knocked back for a part-time second job cleaning floors at Mickey D’s! I added, trying to inject some humour that I felt was sorely needed.
At this, her eyes glittered agate-hard and her lips curved in one of those smiles where your cheek-muscles seem to have locked. I don’t know, maybe her eyes do that all the time – I try not to make eye contact with her in case she spits venom in them like a cobra and blinds me. But she walked over to me, put that expression close to mine, still with that glittery look – ooh corks, it’s the venom for sure – and said, Oh that’s a shame, because I think you’d be really good at working in McDonald’s. You could say, “Hello and how can I help you?” I think you’d be very good at that.
The hell? Where did that come from? Was it honestly meant to be friendly, only she’s even more rubbish at it than I am? I somehow doubt it. Unfortunately as an insult it rather lacked a certain something too, because I just cracked up in disbelief. Possibly out of releif at still having my sight. Seriously, is this the aim of the game? Yeah, one day I’ll come up with a subtle and snidey – actually, you know what, I’m not wasting so much as a second on her. It’s finally the end of the week; I’m going home to eat pizza and chill out! If I work hard all Saturday and Sunday, I will totally get away with it too. Hahaha.