I thought I was too old to get beat up by lassies half my age

Blue Monday today, apparently! The most depressing Monday of the year! But not for me! No, I is going great guns! Witness! I had early night and decent sleep, so I do stretches and chin-ups this morning! Witness! I put all my work clothes and fighting clothes directly on the radiators before bed so they would be warm and dry this morning! Witness! I put the bread machine on last night and set the timer wrong so instead of a proud, brown loaf cooling on the kitchen unit, I have something that resembles a dead white elephant slowly slumping in a heap. Ah, bollocks. Still, I have oatcakes, it is just one little slip-up!

And I left all my cigarette-making paraphernalia on the desk. Dammit, this might just be One Of Those Days after all.

My Cellmate’s expected degeneration into contempt for me appears to have held off. And how! She has brought me cardboard to go in the recycling, a packet of sweeties that might contain hats* and a card saying, I is Awesome for passing my first assignment! How lovely is she? Also: curse my newfound ever-suspicious nature. Still, it does mean that every lovely surprise is made even lovelier. Now, however, I am in Hock and must think of something lovely to do for my Cellmate, for I am woefully behind in this game already and we only met in October!
And my Colleague of Cakes has brought me a curtain rail. Ooh, that’s me feeling suitably humbled. I have not brought anyone a damn thing!

*(In my fear, I said, in public, that if I pass this grading, I will eat a hat. This has been Noticed, naturally, by the peeps who run fightclub. My instructor has even offered to purchase said hat. My Cellmate has thus procured what she hopes to be jelly hats. I am not sure if she is just lovely by nature or fearing that my workload will pass to her if I choke on some sort of head-sized concoction of cloth.

Failing the appearance of any jelly hats in this packet, I’ll just have to fail the grading, like.)

So my blessings are counted and found suitably bountiful. I feel Rotten, however! Ah, there’s something I’ve probably brought everyone – Germs! (And my thighs really hurt, which is odd because I don’t think the scissor-kicks – oh wait, we were doing thai-kicks on each other; teeps or something.) So I am not looking forward to tonight – not looking forward to this whole week at all, in fact, especially since it has belatedly dawned on me that the Schedule calls for me to be out till after nine o’clock every night till Friday, and did I do any cooking over the weekend? No! Damn, do I regret the time I spent lying about sleeping and reading now!

On the other hand, it might be the only reason I am moderately upright at the moment. Moderation in everything, including moderation itself etc.

So, who am I fighting tonight? The Spoonatic’s wee sister, it turns out. Eek! Little? He’s only sodding nineteen himself! Now, should I Do The Club Proud and honour her by not pulling my punches? Or will I be killed for being a bastard? Guess I’ll just wing it.

Also, there was Grappling. The kind where you get your opponent’s head between your thighs and choke them with your knees wrapped together. Look, I’m all for it, really, I’d just rather it was a big burly bloke whose head I had trapped between my thighs (because chances are, he will be sweating more than I am, therefore I’m not the most minging one) and also I do like to get to know people a bit better before I try to twist their heads off with my adducteurs. Also, the Spoonatic’s little sister, hello!

Well, and she seemed perfectly cool about it all, after my moment of panic, so I pretended I was too. But, man. I am getting too old to be beaten up by lassies half my age.

The walk home seems to take more and more out of me, too. Right! Do NOT collapse into a chair! Remember the things that need done, only every time you come in, you’re too knackered to do em? Tonight, you WILL do them! Uploading that photo to the distance-learning-course website to finish the registration process, for instance – you promised you’d do that last Thursday!

Problems encountered with this ‘straightforward’ task: 1. The ‘photo’ is a video. 2. I have no clue how to get the camera on this by-our-lady new phone to take an Actual photo. 3. Which is just as well cos I’m in my leopard-print pyjamas and my hair looks like it’s just been given a fright by an electricity-wielding maniac. 4. Besides, the computer refuses to acknowledge the phone – it says it’s a disk drive and one without a disk in, at that. Sigh. Right. Fine, there are other things that have been on the to-do list for a fortnight – a thank-you letter for my last present, for instance. I wrote it ages ago and I see now the margins are scuppered and it won’t fit onto an email. Well, this is really annoying.

I managed to dredge together a load of laundry – in order to have clean fighting gear four nights in a row, laundry every night is now required! – put on a replacement loaf, microwaved dinner and collapsed into bed. Dammit, I don’t feel I’m getting anywhere!


About beshemoth

Mainly making art, making wine, writing and gardening. Having a life only as the above allows.
This entry was posted in all the small things, fightclub, forever coming down with something. Bookmark the permalink.

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