this is why I never get anything done

I woke up late this morning – the sky was already light! Half past eight, augh! Right, to the Sums! Today’s schedule calls for Six Hours of Sums! But it was… misty out! And there is only one set of window frames at the front of the flat that still urgently need weatherproofing!

Quick, before starting the Sums, I just have to make a coffee, pull all non-ick-resistant stuff out of the studio, find the dustmask and sandpaper, scrub down the window frames, brush them off, scrub them down again with white spirit, pour out the cold coffee and make another coffee, find the tin of stain in the cupboard behind the bin, notice the bin is full, find the steps, put a coat of stain on the window frames, wash the paintbrush, notice the kitchen floor needs cleaned again, clean the kitchen floor, take the bin out, take the recycling out, take the compost out, notice there’s a big pile of boxes above the hall cupboard while coming back in with the compost tub, wash out the compost tub with bicarb to give back to the Lady of Lovely Hats,  get the steps back from the studio window to investigate the boxes, discover the boxes belong to my ex-flatmate, give the ex-flatmate a call about the boxes while stripping the beds, stick the pillows through the machine on a hot wash in case they’re irritating my face, pour out the cold coffee and make another coffee, pull out the spare room and hoover the bedframe, make up the spare bed, put the pillows on the radiators and put the heating on in case it’s damp pillows that are irritating my face, put the quilt through on a hot wash too because I’ve started now, dammit, gut out the fridge, microwave and scrub everything in case of Potential Flatmates wanting to come round, clean out all the dodgy old jars for recycling, soak the oven trays in the sink, clean the kitchen floor again because it’s covered in fridge/microwave/oven ick, pour out the cold coffee and make another coffee, lose the hoover, find the hoover in the spare room, scrub and hoover all the ick from the window frames off everything the studio, pull out all the furniture in the studio and scrub behind it so I can put the spare freezer somewhere more accessible to Potential Flatmates, open a beer because the coffee just ain’t happening, lose the steps, find the steps by the hall cupboard, stick a second coat of stain on the studio window frames because the weather report says, ‘light cloud now, rain in two hours’ (direct sunlight the whole time instead, thanks a lot, weather report), go to wash the paintbrush and discover the sink is still full of oven trays, wash the paintbrush in the bathroom sink, clean the bathroom sink, end up cleaning the rest of the bathroom becaus I’ve started now, dammit, scrub the oven trays, notice while looking round at the (finally) pristine kitchen that it is now full of hordes of jars-to-be-recycled, also notice there’s a big teetery pile of tubs that Rice Krispies brought me which I should totally do something with, put a mudmask on to get rid of the ick from sanding down the window frames, finally sit down with the beer to glower at the direct sunshine that I should not have stained the window-frames during, get dirty looks from people in passing vans for being a slovenly cow sitting around in a dressing-gown with a mudmask and a beer, shower off the mudmask and all the ick from sanding down the window frames, put all the icky clothes from sanding down the window frames through the wash, dry the bath, run it full of water, go back into the cupboard behind the bin for the silicon sealant, discover that the umpty-dozen layers of clingfilm over the nozzle have not stopped it clogging, attempt to unclog nozzle with series of pins, skewers and steak knives, give up and nick new nozzle off other silicon sealant, silicon-seal round that bit in the corner of the bath that looks a bit dodgy, remember while I’ve got the silicon sealant out that that bit by the sink needs doing and all, wash the silicon ick off everything, put the silicon sealant back in the cupboard behind the bin with umpty-dozen layers of clingfilm over the end (ha), finally stick the bedsheets through the wash, run out of hanging room and have to open a new hanger in the lounge, pray no Potential Flatmates are in the offing this weekend after all because the flat now resembles a bomb-site, finally make the bed, quickly plant all the herb and indoor-plant seeds in tubs of earth so the big pile of tubs is gone and I look less like a dangerous, collect-anything-a-holic lunatic, hoover up all the soil spilled during this stupid ‘damage limitation’ idea, water the plants, remember to eat breakfast…

and it’s bedtime. The hell?


About beshemoth

Mainly making art, making wine, writing and gardening. Having a life only as the above allows.
This entry was posted in so much for plan b, weather-dependent lifestyle. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to this is why I never get anything done

  1. motheralice says:

    omg. Can I get you to come over to mine and clean? 😉

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