I am never gonna be much cop in the puns stakes, to my eternal regret.
Anyway! Day: The Last (probably forever) in the US – at least, for me! The Bossman is a seasoned international traveller, and thus doesn’t freak out at little things like ‘arriving in forrin airports alone’, or ‘travelling across an entire ocean in one day‘, which still leaves me gawping. Indeed, he is about to circumnavigate the whole globe in little over a week; eat your heart out, Phineas Fogg. So it was his plan to plonk our bags in the hire-yacht, check out in search of breakfast and go to the zoo, rather than staking out the airport from stupid-a.m. in case of Hitches, like I would have done.
Woo! The zoo! I always go to the zoo when Abroad! As well as the aquarium, the TV tower, the castle and the park. I am the world’s most boring traveller!
The zoo was fab. We saw the grizzlys being fed, met Chompy the rhino, got tiger photos, and to my delight, the Bossman also eschewed all the monkeys except the Great Apes (who are noble cousins of ours, I feel, imbued with dignity as well as the ability to rip one’s jaw off, rather than being all squabbling and bums, like baboons. And, well, humanity. Often.)
Helpful hint given by the zoo: a charging Great Ape is usually bluffing. I love that ‘usually’.
The zoo had beer. With a Transport in the offing, I felt it prudent not to eschew it. And then it was midday, and airport time! And then our flight was delayed! Corks, there goes my connection!
Fortunately, it turns out we were travelling in a posher plane than my ‘usual’* so not only were they fully prepared to rebook me on a later flight, rather than throwing me to the wolves, and to do so free of charge, but had already done so!
Although, if this is all the personal space you get on posh planes, god help me in the cheap seats. I had exactly enough room for my thighs to be horizontal, and the rest of me had to just meld around the area the best it could. Granted, I have probably gained some pounds recently, what with all the three-squares-a-day, but still. And I had to behave well in front of the Bossman, who actually had the seat next to me!
So I did not attempt to kill the guy who not only charged past me in the queue for the bogs but then stopped, turned, and invited the lassie behind him to also bump me. Although my fantasy about doing so was disturbingly vivid, even to me, so I attempted to sleep instead. In a pose even Houdini might find a bit wearing. By eight the next morning, Greenwich meantime, I had had all I could stand of airports and airplanes and people, which was bad news because I had the equivalent of a full working day of this still to suffer. Oh woe is me, to think that in the old days it was wagons and sailing-ships only, (and scurvy and bears and cannibals and shipwreck and compulsory corsetting the whole way), and if you went, and survived, you damn well never came back.
The Bossman, it turned out, was able to make his connection, if he hared off through Heathrow at warp speed, and so our holiday ended as it began – with the sight of him pegging his way into the distance.
I sighed folornly, for it be Valentine’s Day upon the morrow (and I really wanted a shower and some solitude); eyed the madding crowd, and wondered where the hell I was supposed to be making my way to.
However, before rush-hour had quite rumbled to a standstill, I was home! Jeebus, after becoming accustomed to a week in a highly-polished minimalistic acreage, Chez Beshemoth looks like a bomb’s hit it. Despite my practically hoovering myself out of the door last Friday. I frantically set about tidying everything at once, got tied in a knot and had to actually force myself to sit down and have my first rollie for around 24 hours (body-clock time).
I am sure the glorious technicolour memories will keep me buoyed up through my return to dreary Scottish February and the overabundance of drudgery that I carefully coordinated all by myself. Not. On the other hand, it is better to have been and lost than never to have been at all, by god!
Now let’s just pray to avoid the insomnia. For I have work tomorrow!